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Sex and the Ummah Series: The Hadith of Jabir

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Jabir b. Abdillah is i of the nearly famous Companions of the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam. He was from the Ansar, and accepted Islam every bit a young boy. His begetter was the famous warrior Abdullah b. Haram. Jabir was possibly the youngest Companion to witness and participate in the blessed 'Treaty of Aqaba,' before the hijra of the Prophet. He was also blessed to live an extremely long life. Because of this, Jabir became one of the most profuse narrators of hadith, earning his proper name in the top five Companions in terms of quantity of hadith narrated.

Jabir married immature – he was probably seventeen or 18 when he got married. His story is mentioned in most books of hadith, including the two Sahihs. It is a story that tells us much nigh how Islam views sexuality.

The hadith is as follows:

Jabir b. Abdillah reported that in one case he was on an expedition with the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam, and when they were shut to the metropolis of Madinah, he sped on his mount. The Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam asked him why he was in such a hurry to render home. Jabir replied, "I am recently married!" The Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam asked, "To an older lady or a younger 1?" [the Arabic could also read: "To a widow or a virgin?"], to which he replied, "A widow."

The Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam said, "But why didn't you marry a younger girl, so that you could play with her, and she could play with you, and you could make her express mirth, and she could make y'all express mirth?"

He said, "O Messenger of Allah! My father died  a martyr at Uhud, leaving behind daughters, and then I did not wish to marry a young girl like them, only rather an older one who could accept care of them and look later on them." The Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa salam replied, "You take made the right pick."

Jabir continues, "And so when nosotros were about to enter the city, the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam said to me, 'Slow down, and enter at night, so that she who has non combed may comb her hair, and she who has not shaved may shave her private area.' And then he said to me, 'When you enter upon her, so be wise and gentle.'"

[Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim, with diverse wordings, in their ii Sahihs]

This is simply role of a much larger hadith, known as (not surprisingly!) the 'hadith of Jabir'. It is a hadith full of benefits, and in fact separate treatises have been written by our scholars but on this 1 hadith. In this article, we are concerned with how this hadith sheds light on intimacy and marriage in Islam.

What first strikes u.s. is the frankness of the Prophet's salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam question. He is encouraging Jabir to discover a playful wife, and wants the both of them to enjoy each other. Clearly, the words of 'playfulness' and 'laughter' point that what is being encouraged is the couple's romance, foreplay and, generally, 'having fun' with one another.

This shows that it is 1 of the primary goals of a marriage that each party find satisfaction in the other. The connotation of being sexually playful is clearly implied, without any directly reference. From this, and many other references, nosotros see that the Quran and Sunnah are frank about sexuality, only never vulgar. This should be our attitude and tone also. It would do united states of america well to contrast this straightforwardness of our Prophet with the ultra-reserved Muslim culture that nosotros discover around u.s.a., where even the words 'honey' and 'romance' are considered filthy and are never be uttered in public!

Also, the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam explicitly mentioned that both parties should exist satisfied with each other ('…so that you may play with her and she may play with you…'). In almost Muslim cultures, women's sexuality is sidelined or even suppressed. Non only is a woman's sexual feelings ignored, some cultures even cutting off a part of a woman'southward sexual organ in order to minimize her sexuality (through barbaric practices such as FGM – female genital mutilation). Women's sexuality is no less important than men's, and it is essential that a woman also be given her due right.

One phrase in this hadith that many men concentrate on is the encouragement to Jabir that he should marry a immature woman. However, they ignore the context of the hadith and also the response of the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam. Jabir himself was a swain, and that is why he was asked why he would marry an older lady. Typically, a beau marries a young lady. When Jabir gave a legitimate reason for choosing an older lady, he was informed that he had, in fact, made the correct decision. One should ever remember that even our Prophet kickoff married Khadija, a lady senior to him in age, and remained with her for all of her life. Khadija was the well-nigh beloved married woman of our Prophet, and even Aisha could non compete against that honey.

The command to Jabir not to enter the city until nightfall was considering the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam did not want Jabir to surprise his married woman. At a time when at that place were no prison cell phones or other means of informing the family unit when a traveler would render, the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam would ship a crier into the city, announcing that the caravan was returning. Hence, he told Jabir to expect for this crier before proceeding into the metropolis. The crier would warning the inhabitants of the city (including Jabir's wife), and they would then set up themselves to great the returning travelers.

From this, we learn that spouses should physically beautify themselves for i another. Combing the hair is but one mode to beautify; anything that increases the beauty and handsomeness of one spouse in front of the other is something to exist encouraged. The Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam told the impatient Jabir that it was better for him to delay his arrival in order that his married woman could prepare herself for him.

The explicit control to shave the pubic area is an amazing phrase! We all know that a part of our Islamic tradition is that ane must shave one'south pubic expanse; in this tradition, this command is put in the context of the sexual act. In other words, the husband is told to be patient so that his wife may beautify her individual expanse in order to increase the aesthetic pleasure and gratification of sex. A husband and married woman should make certain that even around their individual areas, they look attractive to each other! Once more and again, nosotros see the frankness of the prophetic traditions and contrast this to the ultra-conservative attitudes predominant in many Muslim cultures.

Some people erroneously believe that a husband and wife should never expect at each other'south private expanse. This conventionalities is non based upon whatever authentic textual evidence – in fact, there are numerous evidences (including this ane) that clearly land otherwise. If a husband will non enjoy the torso of his wife, who else will he savor?! And the aforementioned applies for a adult female with her husband'due south body.

The last phrase of the hadith is translated as '…then exist wise and gentle'. The Arabic is 'fa-l-kayyis al-kayyis', or, in another wording, 'zafar al-kayyis.' The word 'kayyis' primarily means wisdom, but it likewise has the connotation of gentleness. Scholars have understood this phrase to be an indirect reference that Jabir should approach his married woman in a gentle and 'wise' manner.

Imam al-Bukhari, Ibn Khuzaymah, and Ibn Hibban all narrated this diction, and they all understood the reference here to exist an indirect reference to the sexual act. Over again, the wording is frank without being vulgar. What is meant by 'al-kayyis' is that Jabir should human activity in a wise mode; he has been gone for some time, and is newly married. Therefore, both parties are missing each other, and it is a sign of wisdom that they appease themselves and do non filibuster this unnecessarily. Also, there is a connotation of gentleness also; Jabir should realize that he is a young man, and therefore he should not human action in a style that might be painful to his married woman.

The fact that the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam is instructing Jabir what to exercise at this fourth dimension shows that he instructed his Ummah fifty-fifty near such personal matters. In one hadith, which deals with the etiquette of the restroom, the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam said, "I am to you like a father, I teach yous [what you lot need to know]…" [Reported by Abu Dawud]. Since Jabir did non have any older brothers, and his father had passed abroad, the Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam took on this responsibility, and even advised him about sexual acquit. From this, we may extrapolate that people of knowledge, or elders of the community, should as well non exist shy when it comes to instruction Muslims about sexual etiquette.

The Islamic attitude towards sex is completely at odds with those of many Christian thinkers. St. Augustine, who is maybe the unmarried nigh influential theologian of early on Christianity, viewed sexual want as something 'foul' to exist guilty and ashamed of. His writings had a profound impact on all future Christian notions of sex (and were also used to justify the prohibition of priests getting married). That is why, to this day, even many non-religious Christians are baffled by Islam's attitude towards sexual practice. It is mainly due to such notions that Islam has been viewed by many Westerners every bit being a 'licentious' religion. Such hadiths like this one of Jabir are mocked and ridiculed (i website I read commented, "How tin a prophet of God command his followers to enjoy their wives?"). This shock stems from the basic Augustinian notion of sex being inherently evil. We must be aware of these psychological underpinnings when discussing Islam with others. For the states as Muslims, sexual desire in and of itself is never associated with evil; it is only the misuse and abuse of such desire that is evil. Rather, quite the contrary, sex is quite clearly unsaid in the Quran as being a approving from Allah, to be thoroughly enjoyed betwixt spouses.

There are many evidence that conspicuously demonstrate Islam's realistic and pragmatic view of human sexuality. Sexuality, like all human emotions, is a natural instinct that should exist satisfied in a permissible mode. The emotion itself is not evil or filthy; abusing information technology and trying to satisfy it outside of the permissible bounds of wedlock is evil and filthy.

The Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam himself said, "From this world, women and perfume take been fabricated beloved to me, but the coolness of my eye comes from prayer" [al-Bukhari]. And in the famous hadith, "This whole globe is an enjoyment, and its best enjoyment is a righteous wife" [Muslim].

A righteous married woman (and, by analogy, a proficient husband) is the best enjoyment of this earth. Pure, halal, encouraged enjoyment! Even the blessed Prophet salla Allahu ʿ alayhi wa sallam found condolement in his wives, just the comfort that prayer and turning to Allah gave him was obviously the most sweet and pure.

In some other tradition, we are advised "If one of you lot approaches his wife, and so wishes to repeat, permit him do wudhu, for information technology will brand the recurrence more energetic" [Abu Dawud].

In all of these hadiths, nosotros run into once more the clear encouragement to engage in passionate and fulfilling sex with i's spouse. The frank advice given makes it crystal clear that nosotros should aim to have healthy sexual activity lives. No less a figure than our dear Prophet informed us of ways to increase our love and make the human activity of intimacy more fulfilling. Washing oneself later on a start act invigorates the body and rejuvenates the soul, and thus helps in repeating the human activity once again.

What is truly amazing is that while the message is crystal clear in each and every one of these traditions, never is the wording vulgar, nor is the linguistic communication crude. Similarly, we should exist frank in our teachings, but in that location is no need to use unbefitting language.

Permit us conclude this commodity by mentioning a quote from one of the well-nigh famous medieval scholars of our religion. Imam al-Ghazali (d. 505) mentions in his famous work The Revival of the Religious Sciences that scholars have mentioned many blessings of sexual activity, such as protecting one's chastity and increasing one's progeny. But he also mentions a blessing that might surprise many Muslims. Ane of the blessings of sex that our scholars have mentioned, al-Ghazali says, is to experience some of the pleasures of the afterlife. He continues:

"And I swear, what they have said is absolutely true! For indeed, in this pleasure [of sexual practice] – a pleasance that cannot be compared to any other pleasure ­– if only it were to persist, it would indeed be a sign or betoken for those pleasures of the next life that have been promised to us. To entice someone regarding a pleasance that he has never experienced is of no employ! If an impotent man were to be enticed with sex, or a young child with power, there would be no temptation. Therefore, one of the blessings of the sexual experience and pleasure in this earth is the hope of its perpetual existence in the next, so that this can be used as a motivation for the worship of Allah.

Marvel, therefore, at the wisdom of Allah, and His Mercy, for look at how He has placed in one desire two lives: an external life, and an internal life. So the external life is the preservation of a man through his progeny and children. And the internal life is the life of the side by side earth. For the pleasure of sex is macerated in this world considering it must remain temporary, and is swiftly terminated, but by experiencing it, one'southward desire to have such a pleasure remain everlasting becomes house, and this encourages one to persist in deeds of worship that would allow him to experience such pleasures."

What an amazing attestation, regarding an amazing blessing, from an amazing scholar!

Source: https://muslimmatters.org/2010/05/27/sex-and-the-ummah-series-the-hadith-of-jabir/

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